Curse you, Columbus Day holiday weekend. You cost Stephen Colbert one humdinger of a Late Show monologue on Friday.
In a video posted to Twitter, the comedian explained that The Late Show pre-taped its Friday episode a day early in order to give the staff Friday and Monday off.
"We didn't know that this afternoon, there would be an audio release of the motherlode — the Eldorado — of Donald Trump misogyny gold," he lamented. "But I've got it right here and I'm going to watch it."
Along the way, Colbert cringed, covered his eyes and sighed. He also asked a few questions, like "Who is Nancy?" (That would be former Access Hollywood host Nancy O'Dell, whom Trump says he tried to get into bed. He said this to her own co-worker Billy Bush.)
"Oh, my God," he managed to say after about 90 seconds, adding "all the Tic-Tacs in the world will not freshen his breath after this" after listening to the bit where Trump goes on about having a hard time stopping himself from kissing women.
A few seconds later, Colbert declared, "I think that's enough. Here's what I really found disgusting: Trump says in the video, 'When you're a star, they let you get away with anything.' And unfortunately, that's true because Donald Trump is the Republican nominee. And hopefully, someday he'll be telling the story about how he tried to (screw) America and failed. Have a great debate on Sunday, you guys!"